How to date a coworker

These days, our workdays and workweeks seem to be getting longer. We spend a lot more time at the office than ever before, so it really should not be surprising to anyone that most employees have had at least one romantic relationship (not just a tryst) with a coworker. We interact socially at work sometimes more than we do in our free time, so when it comes to looking for someone to date, it’s only natural to look for a date in a familiar place where you spend a lot of your time.

I have to be honest with you— I really wanted to write something against office romances in an effort to kill cupid on his best day. But instead, I have decided to be a good sport and offer you some tips on how to date a coworker, seeing as how some of you probably already are, and if not, most of you probably will date someone you work with in the future.

It should go without saying, but workplace romances can be really difficult, and in some cases they are against company policy. But even if a workplace romance isn’t against company policy, don’t be surprised if your coworkers and your superiors frown on them— because there are one too many examples of workplace romances that have gone horribly awry.

But if you decide that you want to try your luck with that hottie in the sales department, here are some suggestions you might want to consider when dating a coworker:

1. Keep it under wraps. Most workplaces have some degree of gossip that is pervasive throughout the office. And is there any better, juicier fare than office love? You should keep your relationship between the two of you and secret from everyone else until they figure it out a few months into the relationship (if it lasts that long).
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3. Absolutely no PDA (Public Displays of Affection). No matter how in love you may be, it’s best to keep your hands off your lover when you are in the office. PDA can make your coworkers very uncomfortable, and the last thing you want in a relationship that you are trying to keep secret is to be asked by your boss to stop making out with your lover in the break room. There are plenty of places you can go on your lunch hour or after work where you can show your affection to one another openly.
   
4. Don’t send romantic emails on company time. While there are foolish lovers who send risqué emails to each other using the company’s email system, I’ll just assume that none of you do that. Nonetheless, you should never send emails to your lover on company time, and try to avoid sending them on your company computer. Many companies monitor the web surfing activities of their employees as well as the transmissions employees make on company computers. Your secret could be out long before you know it if you are whispering sweet nothings to you lover over the company broadband.
   
5. Never fight at work. All lovers have the occasional quarrel— which needs to stay at home. It’s bad enough when you have an argument or a disagreement with a coworker who you’re not in love with, but when you argue with someone you love and have an emotional bond with, it can be much worse. Not only will arguing with your lover at work cause a ruckus in the workplace, but it will also affect both you and your lover’s performance at work, and it may affect others you work with as well. Leave your fights at the door (along with any other baggage when you come to work), and settle them when you go home (or at least somewhere far away from the office).
6. Be prepared to have to quit or move to another department. Too many people get into a serious office romance without preparing a contingency plan. If the divorce rate in the US is any indication, then workplace romances have a more than 50 percent chance of failure. While some jilted lovers can handle it well and get on with their lives, some cannot and may get on with trying to ruin yours. Which may be a good reason to find another job (one where you’re not stalked, and your ex lover doesn’t call your extension and hang up all day long).
   On the other hand, a relationship that blossoms into marriage can also cause you to quit or switch departments— not because you want to, but because you have to. Many companies have a policy against married persons working together so as to prevent favoritism in the workplace (similar to nepotism policies). If you fall in love and want to get married, in many cases it will be up to your company to determine if you can still work together.

Happy Valentine’s Day people. May you all find who you’re looking for ;)